A New Chapter
This is a photo of me at the end of August. We hiked up to Mt. Constitution on Orcas Island and it was magical.
I notice my extra pounds, paunchy belly and soft upper arms which is really unfortunate because look where I'm standing. I'm on top of a glorious mountain with a view that reaches Canada. For me to degrade the beauty of the photo by criticizing my appearance is really fricking sad.
I'm nearing the end of my 40's and I'm keenly aware of the ticking clock. My kids are almost done with high school. They are much busier now with friends, significant others and activities. Parades of teens come through our home but only for a bit before they're headed off to the next thing. I feel the silence of the house.
Another season. Another step in the journey.
Recently my boss called me out on what he and other male coworkers described as "memory lapses" and "concerns for my stress and emotional stability"
I felt humiliated, embarrassed and criticized. I felt I had just experience ageism. I knew a line had been drawn (or perhaps crossed) and that it would forever follow me in my employment with the company.
After giving myself a week to consider, speak with other colleagues and reflect, I went home from the job and never returned.
Because I decided that I deserve better.
In the past I would have just assumed this is how life is in the workplace. This is normal. I must be a failure. I'm not good enough.
These narratives are designed to break us, to tear us down, to make us believe we aren't worth the trouble.
It felt great to stand up for myself but it was really scary. It came with sleepless nights, nervous pits in my stomach, fear of the repercussions, hot criticism from the company and loss of my awesome paycheck.
However nothing in my spirit could rest until I left it behind.
I've been reminded what matters most and I'm grateful for the time to embrace it. Even in the midst of my son's mountain of laundry, dirty plates left under his bed, empty snack boxes left in the pantry, my husband's pursuit of like the most expensive sport in history, my daughter's current state of her closet and 4 dogs that get me up more than a newborn...
Another season. Another step in the journey.
Recently my boss called me out on what he and other male coworkers described as "memory lapses" and "concerns for my stress and emotional stability"
I felt humiliated, embarrassed and criticized. I felt I had just experience ageism. I knew a line had been drawn (or perhaps crossed) and that it would forever follow me in my employment with the company.
After giving myself a week to consider, speak with other colleagues and reflect, I went home from the job and never returned.
Because I decided that I deserve better.
In the past I would have just assumed this is how life is in the workplace. This is normal. I must be a failure. I'm not good enough.
These narratives are designed to break us, to tear us down, to make us believe we aren't worth the trouble.
It felt great to stand up for myself but it was really scary. It came with sleepless nights, nervous pits in my stomach, fear of the repercussions, hot criticism from the company and loss of my awesome paycheck.
However nothing in my spirit could rest until I left it behind.
I've been reminded what matters most and I'm grateful for the time to embrace it. Even in the midst of my son's mountain of laundry, dirty plates left under his bed, empty snack boxes left in the pantry, my husband's pursuit of like the most expensive sport in history, my daughter's current state of her closet and 4 dogs that get me up more than a newborn...
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