Sunday, September 5, 2010

Fair Fare

We all know fairs have a certain aroma to them. We have all smelled it. The bratwursts and corn on the cob smoking off the grill, the kettle corn sending out that sugary, caramel sweetness and the deep fried smell of sugared elephant ears, funnel cakes and twinkies bubbling in a cauldron of hot fat. All bets are off on the calorie counter when you experience the fair in full fashion. I mean they don't call the funnel cake booth "Fat Fanny's" for nothing!

If you are lucky, you can see a kid being hauled around on a leash, a family brawling over what food they are going to choose and the accusatory glare of the impatient mother to her kid who despises corndogs but demanded one anyway because they looked cool on the stick. You can't forget the gal wearing daisy dukes that really shouldn't be wearing daisy dukes. I don't think the tattoo was in that place when she first got it, if you know what I mean. So, if you are looking for a really expensive way to end the summer coupled with some awesome eye candy then by all means take your ENTIRE family to the State Fair.

Seriously though, parts of the fair transport you back in time a bit. I love looking at all the jams and jelly, browsing the quilts and dodging the salesmen. Do not, I repeat DO NOT make eye contact with the salesmen. Otherwise, people like me are doomed.

Our favorite cheap eat hides in a small red barn, hosted by the Dairy Women of Oregon. A regular size cone extends practically to the sky and only costs 2.50.
Best quality for the best price (I sound like a mattress salesman, sorry.) A yearly tradition though.

Naturally, my favorite part of the fair is the animal barns. I have to pet like every one of their behinds, watch them potty and chew their cud, get their hair trimmed, take their photos and goo goo like a little kid until the owners finally ask me to leave. They got all weird when I started laying out my sleeping bag next to one of the calves.

How cute is this little dude? He refused to make eye contact with me or be social. He was completely rude. What an ass.

No, I'm serious. How cute is this little dude?

Will dubbed these sticks of death "Attack of the corn wars." Honestly, these are 2 feet long of deep fried crap covering 2 feet of animal by-product. The kids were bound and determined they could each eat one and we said, "Prove it." Bad mistake.

Here they are excited and thrilled to have their very own, ready to accept the challenge. Seriously, these things are so long you could use em' as light sabers. I should keep one to use as a weapon but if I got caught it probably wouldn't last long as evidence, what with hungry detectives and all. Anyway, I digress....

Here we have the AFTER shot. I think Will looks a bit defeated. Never fear however, nothing was wasted in this experiment. All leftovers went to a certain fried meat lover in the house. I stuck with my baked potato and hung out at the Cherry City Derby Girls booth. Yes, they did ask if I would like to join. Please, no applause. I am trying to remain humble.

To think we almost missed out on all this fun by staying at home today!

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