I have noticed a trend in our household. Sunday mornings provide the perfect storm for fighting. It starts with this flurry of getting ready so we can get to church. I throw some weird concoction on the table for breakfast, I'm searching through laundry for the missing sock, Ray is hovering while monitoring our progress and my hair looks gross because I didn't shower the night prior. All of this contributes to me yelling at the absurdity of it all. It would be better to stay home.
I turn into a total grouch. It seems like all thefrustrations and anger of the past week rears it head all at once. I haven't had coffee and I have finished what the kids left on their plates and call it breakfast. I'm ticked to be going to church in the first place because of what these mornings look like and Ray's face is set in a grimace at the thought of being late and not getting 'our' parking place.
Then the best part, once we park I put my church face on which equates to the happy, I'm so glad to be here look. Then I head in to lead a community group with Ray with a nervous I'm going to be sick stomach and feel my hyprocrisy seeping in.
Here is the deal, for me anyway. My epiphany, if you will. Did God really intend for our lives to be lived in this fashion? Of course not. What purpose does it serve to do all this frantic preparation in order to go 'praise Jesus' for an hour? Does that bring glory to God? Yeah, right. Am I showing a good example to my kids? Oh, heck no. Am I seeking unity with my husband? Uh, not even.
All of this hit me on the way to church and I was ashamed. This is not how I intended to live faith, blaming God for being the side effect of an angry, rushed morning. I see my need for reevaluation within my heart regarding my priorities.
I don't want this post to look like I'm in fear of the judgment of God if I don't mend my ways or something. Instead I like to view it as the gracious gentle whispering of a God who truly wants to foster relationship. I know I'll be happier for it.
Because as you know, if Momma ain't happy, no one is :)
For those that actually made it to the end of this post, thanks for listening. I have a $100 Starbucks gift card just for you :)
Ok, maybe another time.