Saturday, May 3, 2014

20 Things Not To Do

I have learned by observation some things that are completely uncool to say or do. I am guilty of some of them myself so I feel OK in sharing with you in order to save you from potential heartache. You can thank me later. Or not.... 1) Don't place yourself in a situation that could cause temptation or result in bad decisions. Like being home alone with a peanut butter pie in front of you, for example. 2) Do not ever ask a woman out of the blue how far along she is in her pregnancy. Did you ever consider they may not be pregnant? True shit. 3)Don't eat brussel sprouts - is is just plain wrong and sinful. 4) For the love of all things compassionate, when someone is having or had a miscarriage PLEASE don't say, "Well at least you have other kids." 5) Don't clean your carpets with dog shampoo. Just don't do it. 6) Don't use a hair color with the word "copper" in the title 7) Don't attempt to trim your own bangs 8) Don't let your dog lick your feet and tell yourself you just saved money by letting your dog give you a pedicure 9) Don't drive your car without oil in it. 10) Don't ever ask an adoptive parent if they love their adopted little one as much as their biological one. The answer is simple. "Hell, yes! I will probably love them more because they won't be inheriting any of my pathetic emotional and personality issues." 11) Do not watch the remake of the movie, Footloose. 12) If you have to, sell a kidney if it means you get to see Justin Timberlake live in concert. 13) Don't walk barefoot where you know your dog does his 'bizness.' 14) Don't bake something at home and say, "But, it's for the children." 15) Don't offer to call the kids off from school just because they "they didn't sleep well." 16) Don't take advantage of the free wine service offered on international flights. Not that I would know or anything but KLM Air is extremely generous. 17) Don't haggle prices with a farmer at a farmers market. He or she just grew food so you can eat. Smile and say thank you. 18) Don't buy anything brand new for at least a month (toilet paper and underwear excluded) 19) Don't go to Scotland in the dead of winter 20) Don't pick flowers from someone else's yard. By the way I have NEVER done that.....

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