Sunday, July 20, 2014

Fridge Apocalypse

As a mother, I have decided it is virtually impossible to keep a clean, organized fridge with kids in the house. If I were to be judged purely on the contents within my refrigerator today, I would most certainly be going straight to hell. This morning for example, my son pulled milk from the fridge, proceeded to drink it straight from the bottle, (???) discovered it had curdled, threw up all over his shirt and proceeded to put the bottle back in the fridge for the next unsuspecting partaker. Normally one would assume that if there is an egg carton in the fridge there are eggs in it. Apparently not in our family. Oh hell no. It's awesome to use the egg and put the shell BACK IN THE CARTON and return it to the fridge. Impromptu omelet anyone? Not in this house. Then there are the items I KNOW I bought and put away but when it comes time to use them, they have disappeared. I liken it to the Biblical equivalent of the Rapture, only in this case it is with food. Seriously, that bottle of organic ketchup is laughing at those condiments left behind. Have you have ever eaten hummus that has gone rancid? I encourage you to try it SAID NO EVER! I absolutely love it when someone doesn't finish their meal. Instead of wrapping their leftovers up like a normal person would do, the offending party simply leaves it on the plate uncovered in the fridge 'because I am going to eat it later and this way I can just grab it and go.' Uh huh. Who in their right mind finds it perfectly acceptable to store ice cream in the fridge instead of the freezer? My most recent discovery reveals there are enough glasses 1/2 full of flat pepsi to fill several liters. I don't care if it IS organic, it would be really cool if the puppy's leftovers remained out of contact with our marinara sauce. Please don't leave huge bite marks in the 2 lb block of cheese I just bought. It's just bad form. Finally, how in the world did meat get in the refrigerator? Last I checked we were vegetarians...

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