Friday, August 22, 2014

My Purse Snatcher

I had my purse stolen today and man, am I ever pissed. Why is it the one time (and I seriously mean THE ONE time) I have cash in my wallet is the day some jackass runs off with it? My fury has been unleashed. Sadly, the amount was substantial as the bank was my next stop. Figures. The fact that someone is partying on my dime tonight makes me even more livid. The worst thing, I was standing mere feet away from my vehicle unloading groceries into a friend's car. I am horrified over the loss of the cash but I am also horrified at what else they took. First of all, MY PURSE. This wasn't an ordinary purse. This was a knitted satchel that cost me 3.99 at Goodwill. How dare they. For the love of fashion. WILL's SCHOOL SUPPLY LIST. How the heck am I going to recover from this one? I still haven't finished my shopping. Kleenex is all I can say. Lots and lots of Kleenex. Its the only thing I remember on the list. MY WALLET. This is a biggie because not only were my license, checkbook and debit card in there, my used up Starbucks gift cards, frozen yogurt punch card and IKEA Family Rewards were also included. They chose to mess with the wrong bitch on this one. A LIBRARY BOOK. The library will charge me 25.00 to replace it. I can buy it for 7 bucks on Amazon. You do the math. This is major, even more than the fact my offenders now have my address. They took MY JOURNAL. Wow. Who the hell does that? That is so low. I have no doubt my rampant tales of grocery shopping, recipes and blog ideas will entice my thief to want to make his/her own granola, marinade and latest Pinterest craft but losing that book really is losing a part of who I am. I took that thing EVERYWHERE with me. A random dog even took a whiz on it at the dog park and I still used it. That shows you just how attached I was. Now that my identity has been compromised, my journal thrown in the river, my cash spent and my purse tossed I find myself feeling very violated and surprised. I am surprised by what my thief DIDN'T TAKE. My 3 rolls of Hostess powdered sugar donuts. Obviously they had some sense of decency left in them to leave such beautiful packages of hydrogenated fat behind. Bless them.

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