Friday, September 19, 2014

My Momma Told Me....

Anyone that reads my blog knows my mom and I have a thang...we are super close, talk several times per week and try to see each other as often as we can. That being said, if anyone dares to dis my mom I will punch them in the throat. Yes, I'm slightly protective of her. I don't have any sisters to compete with so I get her full attention all to myself and I use it to my advantage. My mom is a very informed little lady and she educates herself on issues both here and abroad. It is really cool but it's not always a good thing. It means she knows way too much about the bad things going on in the world and thus feels it is her duty to educate me on the dire state of the earth. Lately she has been calling me with a 'list.' Her list varies in content but focuses mostly on the negative. Needless to say, she scares the crap out of me with her global knowledge and her parental concerns. Other times I feel like I just watched a game of Trivial Pursuit with some of the stuff she knows. "Did you know there is a never before released book by Dr. Seuss being released to the general public?" "Last week when Will was here his gym shorts smelled like poop, have you being doing laundry or not?" "I notice Jaimey's hair smelled sour and looked greasy. She needs to make sure she is rinsing and repeating." "Trader Joe's pulled their Almond Butter because of E Coli so don't buy it. I know you are allergic to almonds, but just in case." "Speaking of nut butters, Nutella is full of sugar - don't buy it for the kids." "I heard on the news there is a peeper wandering around your town FIDDLING with HIS PARTS in people's windows." "It is going to rain today so I don't think you should drive." "Be careful since the kids are back in school, what with Ebola and all." "I hope you aren't planning any trips abroad. ISIS is not one to be reckoned with." "There is a mystery virus affecting kids in the Midwest. Even though you are in Oregon, if you see the symptoms, call 911 immediately." Her mission to inform me of all the evil in the world and smelly shorts in my house is simply done out of worry and concern. Her family is her most prized possession in this life and she would give up her own to protect them. I love her for it. Although honestly, I really was OK not knowing about the dude 'fiddling' in our neighborhood. My mind is scarred.

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