Smells Like' Tween' Spirit

I have a set of Tween Eating Machines in the house.  Word on the street is the older they get, the worse it becomes.  Did I mention in addition to the eating, we are also beginning to navigate the waters of puberty?

So yeah, there's that.

It astounds me the way my kids go through food.  Granted there are 4 of them but my 2 kids own the groceries like a son of a bitch.

I'm all for healthy eating.  I prided myself on the way I raised my babies in terms of their food.  Homemade this, organic hormone free that.  I thought I was developing their taste buds and impressionable little minds to only want the good stuff.  Our field trips included farmer's markets where I would patiently point out all the seasonal produce and introduce them to the farmers that grew it.  I even managed a farmer's market.  It was a shoo in for healthful eating in our home.  Or so, I thought.

This is what I longed for my children to crave and beg for.... 

Sadly, this is all they want.....

It's like my kids have turned against their heritage of healthy eating.  A mutiny against all that's good, if you will. What the hell happened?  After all that work of making baby food from scratch, mixing homemade granola bars, cooking applesauce, creating vitamin rich soups and serving organic milk, this is what I get as thanks?  What planet are these children from?

My son tells me that I work too hard in preparing meals from scratch, that I should create 'simpler' meals.  Don't think for a minute he actually cares about my work load. I am on to his game.  What he really means is, "Why can't we just have boxed mac and cheese with a side of ketchup and hot dogs?"

My daughter is a little better but not by much.  Perhaps it was the steamed beets I gave her as a toddler that ruined her, I don't know.  Currently her favorite foods are popcorn accompanied by a large dish of Rocky Road.  Throw a roast beef in there and it's all good in her world.

So, I have to be resourceful and get in touch with my devious side.  I hide healthy shit in their food.  Mac and Cheese has flax in it, their brownies house pureed black beans, chocolate chip cookies contain wheat flour, smoothies have chia seeds and roasted squash hides out in tomato soup. It's one lie I am OK living with.

I try to engage my kids in preparing grocery lists so they can have some ownership in family meals.  It was a huge mistake to ask my son for his suggestions

Mother's Cookies
Fruit chews
Beef jerky
Vanilla ice cream
Grape jelly
White bread

and, wait for it....

Lettuce. Iceberg Head Lettuce.

  Hey, while you are getting your healthy on with the lettuce and all, how about some bologna, plastic cheese and mustard to go with that white bread?

It appears I have a child who was born in the wrong era since he prefers the diet of a kid from the 70's.

Meanwhile, pass me one of those Oreos.


  1. Holy crap! EXACTLY! My tweens are exactly like that. And I made everything from scratch....and now...Well they beg for junk.

  2. Holy crap! EXACTLY! My tweens are exactly like that. And I made everything from scratch....and now...Well they beg for junk.


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