Monday, February 9, 2015

The Money Pit

Did you guys ever see the Tom Hanks movie, The Money Pit?

Basically it is the tale of a couple trying to renovate their recently purchased home.  

While hilarious in nature, there is a sad reality to it.

The house turns out to be a lemon so the more work and money that goes into it, the more it falls apart.

Welcome to our life.

What we have here is a series of unfortunate events in which one project was started, only to discover bigger problems lying underneath.

This is how it went down.

Let's start with the porch.  Dry rot. The crew came out to begin dismantling the affected areas.  This revealed issues in the windows.  Half of the porch was ripped away and as they attempted to work around the window frames, they broke all the glass.

We are on our 3rd week of plywood windows (very scenic) with shards of glass still protruding from the frames.  I love how our house is so child friendly. And classy.

However, I have to give credit to the crew for their wonderful communication and optimism.....

"Awww hell.  While your lovely custom windows are on a 3 week back order, let's forget about the porch and dig a huge hole at the foundation of your home.  Let's replace that window too and while we are at it, rip out an interior wall and replace it with a new one."

 "Dang.  We don't have the supplies to finish so we're gonna leave that for now.  We will eventually get back to it. For now, let's go to the roof and just for kicks strip it down to the plywood and go from there."

"While we are at it, we aren't going to tarp it because we never get rain in Oregon."

"Oops.  Sorry for the leaking in your front room ceiling as a result of not tarping your roof during an Oregon winter.  Guess we will rip out your ceiling now because we like to make more work for ourselves. Oh, and your dining room.  We forgot about the soaked insulation in your crawl space so now that mold is setting in, better haul that out as well and replace it with new."

"Hey, think your husband will mind taking his own time and help us out?  Couple of our guys are in Hawaii so we don't have the manpower on board."

"Oh wow.  Turns out no one wants to come replace your roof because it's too hard to haul in a dumpster due to all the trees.  We may need a tree removal service.  Or a crane to land a dumpster on your street."

"Maybe we will just leave your roof as is for now.  Maybe we can get someone out by spring."

"I failed to mention that obviously you will need all new gutters on your home.  I think I can get ya new ones for 5-7 grand.  Course that's entirely separate from the cost of the roof."

"Well dog gone it.  Lookee there.  Turns out there is a host of stink bugs lying dormant in your eaves from the epidemic last fall.  Sorry they all set up shop in your bedroom and consequently land on you while trying to sleep.
No worries.  They will go away.  Course you're gonna need an exterminator first." 

"Hey though, you guys have been great customers and so patient, too.  I figure we'll get ya up and running by June but for now, how bout that down payment plus a little extra for the unexpected stuff?"

Screw that noise.  How bout you putting us up in a classy condo as you rip our home to crap?

Or better yet, just flippin bulldoze the whole thing and start over...with different owners.

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