Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Anatomy Of A Kid's Science Project

I don't know about you but every time my kid announces he or she has a school project my mind implodes.  Why?  Because in the mere time my kid tells me this, my work load has just increased to a freakish amount of crap and more crap.

The anatomy of a science project is fairly complex especially when the teacher is one who thrives on picking apart every tiny detail.  In other words, one can't leave a project in his class until the night before it's due.

The subject of Science does not mix with my genetic make up.  I'm the one who earned a 14% on my Organic Chemistry mid term and still kept hope I would get accepted into Pharmacy School.  You see what I mean.  It took a lot of hard earned tuition money to figure out it wasn't for me.  Since I closed that door I never looked back.  

Until now.

Now that I have kids heading into middle school the threat of science is once again upon me.

Since my son chose to wait until basically the night before the project was due, I knew this was gonna be one hell of a project.

Thankfully his dad had come up with a great idea and one I have a personal investment in.  The subject of popcorn and how organic compares with conventionally made.  Ahhhh.....now we are talkin' my lingo.  Food.


If your kid is anything like mine, the following will occur during the course of completing a school project.

1)  Child announces his/her project is due the next morning.

2) Mom frantically searches the internet for 'ideas'

3) Child admits he knew about the project ahead of time but forgot however DID find a subject thanks to his dad's input.

4) Mom frantically searches the internet for ideas on how to display.

5) Child pulls out phone and proceeds to play a video game.

5) Mom frantically starts popping an ungodly amount of 5 different types of popcorn in order to compare differences.

6)  Child continues video game

7) Mom screams from the kitchen to child, "Hey, get in here and help!"

8) Child ignores mom.

9)  Mom takes it on as a personal mission to slay this project and plans to put HER name on it, kid be damned.

10) Mom runs to drug store and carts back tri fold display boards, tape, glue, pens and supplies.

11) Son fires up another game.

12) Mom forgets she has a kid and instead turns this project into an opportunity to redeem herself from the 14% she earned in Organic Chemistry.

13) Son wanders to in to eat the popcorn.

14) Mom takes and prints photos, glues random pictures, tapes pieces of popcorn to the tri fold display board and uses a black sharpie to add 'flair'. 

15) Child heads back to couch.

16) Second child starts throwing up.

17) The plan for mom's taco dinner turns into grilled cheese prepared by hubby.

18) Final product shows up as a Jackson Pollack painting.

19) Mom hauls project to school.

20) Teacher takes one look and says, "I have a problem with your popcorn placement."

Epilogue:

Mom takes it personally, tells teacher to take a flying leap, follows up with a middle finger and leaves.

Child earns an F.

Apparently Science still doesn't agree with mom.


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