Friday, June 24, 2016

Confessions Of A 45 Year Old Nanny

I had my children in my 30's so by 45 I'm more than done with diapers, potty training and tummy time. My hair has a lot more grey, I'm not as limber and thought of strapping a kid into a car seat makes me vomit a little.

My interests have morphed from the latest Dora episode to figuring out which show to binge watch on Netflix.

Nevertheless I find myself back in the throes of toddlerhood, except this time they aren't my children.

I am a Mrs. Doubtfire years old nanny. While most au pairs are gorgeous, lithe European women this nanny is complaining about her bunion pain and spider veins.

The opportunity presented itself in a strange way. Basically my neighbors were looking for a new nanny and I threatened to let my dog potty on their lawn if they didn't give me the job.

Because my neighbors know what my dog is capable of, I now have two British toddlers in my care. Yet another job to add to my ahem 'impressive' resume.

Let me just say to moms and dads with toddlers, "Respect." I am shocked if you don't have a drinking problem.

I bow humbly before your feet in admiration at your tenacity, fortitude and stomach for diaper blowouts and relentless screaming on an airplane. If anyone deserves those flight miles Jet Blue was offering to customers who had to listen to children cry while in air, its you.

I leave work every day utterly exhausted. An exhaustion I haven't felt since my own babes were littles. But guess where the beauty lies? I GET TO LEAVE! I have an out! When the girl's parents come home from work travel or 2 hours stuck in commuter traffic, they have their second shift to look forward to and while they love it, I know the weariness is felt. Immensely.

 It has made me realize how totally easy I have it. My kids are 12 and 14. They're awesome! They are at a stage in life where they are contributing members to a household. Plus, they can carry on conversations that don't begin and end with, "I want."

I am reliving a part of my past that I thought had ended and its bittersweet. Its bittersweet because despite it all, I miss those days. I miss the innocence of my children, I miss their enthusiasm over Winnie the Pooh and Thomas The Tank Engine. I miss our songs at bedtime and I even miss their sippy cups and blankies. When I take the girls to the library or read them a story I used to read to my children, I have a longing for the past. It also makes me realize I probably didn't appreciate that time as much as I could have.

On a brighter note, I'm learning a lot from these two little girls.

I've learned that I can be completely manipulated and abused by a 2 and 3 year old.

I've learned that if I overcook their soft boiled eggs, I am dead to them.

I've learned that if there are no Babybel cheese and lemon flavored yogurt tubes in the house at all times, there will be hell to pay.

I've learned that if I don't provide a pull up with a Thomas Tank Engine logo on it, there will be no napping.

I've learned that toilet water makes an excellent cleaner for all the toy cars.

I've learned that the offering of candy is essentially like turning water into wine.

I've learned that my opinion, requests and instructions mean absolutely nothing to toddlers.

I've learned that rationale and a calm voice only infuriate toddlers more.

I've learned NEVER to switch out sippy cups.

I've learned to love how the girls call me 'Mummy Jess"

I've learned that toddler hugs are the best kind of hugs"

I've learned some British vocabulary, using words such as "Knackered, Peckish and Cheeky" on the daily.

I've learned the beauty of freedom every day when I shut their door and walk home to open mine.














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