Apparently I Have A Lot To Say...

These past months have sped by but wanted to check in and say "Hi" to my nonexistent readers and share what has been brewing in my head...

On Writing:

 Recently I downloaded an app to check my grammar. Apparently my grammar is so bad they want to charge me 139.00 for a subscription in order to fix it. Obviously they don't want me to write well, otherwise they would have comped the charge.

All this to say, some need a live in nanny. I need a live in editor.

The reason I downloaded the grammar app... I'm attempting to write a piece that is becoming increasingly difficult to compose because the comparison game is real and I'm the queen of self sabotage. Other's success makes my stomach clench with jealousy which in turn paralyzes my mind from forming sentences. I'm also finding it difficult to translate my deep emotion about my subject matter into a document worth reading.

On Recent Revelations:

 I've discovered the hard way the amount of time I'm wasting on Instagram and other social media outlets. Its amazing what one can accomplish when the bill doesn't get paid and the WiFi goes out.... BUT I STILL CAN'T STOP TAKING PHOTOS OF FOOD!

Seriously though, I'm living vicariously through the experiences of others. In turn, I'm denying myself new adventures because I'm wasting time watching everybody else's! 

On Antidepressants:

Ever since I had my son 14 years ago I've been on one form or another of antidepressants. I believe they have helped me navigate through some tough seasons. I'm doing OK but I'm terrified to stop taking them. Less than a year ago, my doctor made a switch to a more effective med and lucky for me it came with the side effect of weight gain. Its really fun especially when it comes to putting my underwear on and I fall over. I know you're jealous. Ideally, I want to have natural remedies instead of drugs but yoga isn't quite cutting it. In addition, the meds are helping me deal with my anger issues in a proactive manner when it comes to subjects such as separation of families, misogynistic men and bad films.

On My Anger Issues:

See above

On Veganism:

For the 'most' part I've been a vegan for the past year and a half. It has been really hard for me because I'm all about cheese and butter. I call myself 'veganish' because I struggle with the cravings and give in to the occasional laminated dough perfection that is a chocolate croissant. My reason for trying to be a vegan is based on ethics only. Yeah, I get it. A plant based diet is a lot healthier than a carnivorous one but I hate the abuse so many living creatures endure so that we can have a BBQ. Also, I apologize for the judgmental vegans. They're a tough bunch but it doesn't represent all of us. I've had to kick my husband under the table a few times when he starts getting a bit overzealous with meat eaters.

On Raising Humans

At 47 I am keenly aware that time moves quickly. My kids are both in high school now. I have two summers left with my daughter before she ventures out on her own, most likely in a van traveling to see the biggest ball of yarn. And yes, in case you're wondering, she wants to see it.

My boy is testing his wings, surrounding himself with friends more than his mom. Answers to my questions come in the form of grunts. If he asks for anything its for cash, potato chips or hair product. He seems to think he is going to live in our basement when he's an adult. Thankfully we don't have a basement.

I want to absorb every minute of my daughter's mood swings, my son's opposition to facial cleanser, their messy bedrooms, overflowing laundry bins and empty cookie packages in the pantry because trust me, this time is almost over. Parents of younger kids, I implore you to hold on to every single minute of this parenting gig. From stepping on a Lego with bare feet to cleaning a flooded bathroom from the kid who clogged the toilet with an action figure, you will miss all of it when they're gone. Well, maybe not the clogged toilet.

 And while your house will finally be quiet, it will also be empty (and really, really clean).

I love my kids with a ferocity, it hurts me to the core. I worry for their futures. We've done a piss poor job of preserving a healthy planet for them to exist in and I feel like I owe my kids an apology. As parents we can only do so much. We can be examples. We can point them in the right direction. We can encourage and support them but ultimately they will decide their path. Right now they have an opportunity to see a generation taking action, working tirelessly to create lasting change. I pray my kids will find a cause they feel passionate about and join in the work.

On Reading Books And Watching Netflix

This summer I've been trying to put the phone down and pick up a book. These have been some recent favorites.

Books:

Memoirs Written By Women:

Jamie Wright "The World's Worst Missionary"

Roxanne Gay "Hunger"

Janelle Hanchett "I'm Just Happy To Be Here"

Fiction:

Kristin Hannah "The Great Alone"

Jill Santopolo "The Love We Lost"

Aimee Molloy "The Perfect Mother"

Netflix

Hannah Gadsby - Nanette

(My words can't do it justice so just watch it)

Arrested Development

(if you need a break from living on planet earth)

Apparently I needed to get a lot out so thanks for listening to my word diarrhea!!