Teen Years Are The Loneliest For Parents
Recently there's been an influx of parents calling out the truth behind the typical teenager and I'm here for it. We have lived under a rock long enough. Parenting teens has been one of the most isolating, lonely experiences of my life.
Why? Because we can only share the good stuff. Our kids are of age now where anonymity matters. They are on the brink of adulthood and privacy is something they deserve. They determine what is shared and what isn't. Due to this we have to keep close the intimate details of our teen's lives. Its easy to share the good and a whole other story to share the bad. Fact of the matter is, we can't.
We don't have the same support group we had when our kids were little. It was easy back then to share the latest diaper blowout and whether or not they preferred peas over carrots. Heck man, those were the GLORY DAYS! Playdates at the park, gym and splash pads? Oh yeah baby, bring it on. We were a team! We were in church and play groups together. We met up for library story time and swim lessons. We grabbed coffee while we took our kids for walks in their strollers. We shared the minutiae of our days because we understood each other.
Now most of us are back full time in the work force. Our teens are gone more than they're home. Dinners have become making 4 different meals for 4 different people. Grazing at the counter has replaced dinner around the table. Buying shaving cream has replaced buying diaper cream. Pampers have been replaced with boxer briefs for my son and bras for my daughter.
By the way if you think its expensive raising a toddler, just wait. Oh have mercy...
There have been and will continue to be many sleepless nights in which I grieve over some of my kid's choices. I have experienced great anger and loads of tears. Parenting teens is similar to menopause. The highs and lows are exhausting.
Yesterday my son was describing (oh my gosh, he was actually speaking in sentences and not grunting out one word sounds) what it feels like to be him. How he sees the mountain ahead of him and how its so difficult and exhausting to consider climbing on top of it for fear of what's on the other side. There isn't a whole lot to look forward to because there is just another mountain waiting for him. There is a sense of hopelessness about the future which in turn decreases his motivation. His mountain is made up of anxiety for what lies ahead, school, relationships and responsibilities. Its made up of how to pass Chemistry when there are only 8 days left in the trimester. Its made up of exhaustion, stress, procrastination and what he's going to do with his life.
I think he summed up what most teens are experiencing in life right now. Teens have so much going against them in these current days. They are faced with situations that many of us who have gone before have never experienced. Not only are the waters difficult for teens to swim in, the waves have become downright tsunami style for parents.
There are still the old standbys for teens. Trying a joint, drinking some booze and messing around under the guise of 'we're just watching a movie'. But now we have new players on board. Social media, comparisons, body shaming, cyber bullying, first person shooter video games, snap chat, selfies with mass amounts of filters, getting those scholarships and whether or not will there be job when they graduate college. Will they go to college? Will they do an apprenticeship? Will they take a gap year? If they take a gap year how will they support themselves? Wait, they need a car. Will they break up after graduation? Should they live at home while attending whatever it is they're attending? Will they enter the work force immediately?
Dang, its hard. That pressure, right?
I try to keep these things in mind as we navigate through the teen years. As a parent I want to fast forward and get to the other side. Don't get me wrong there is PLENTY I will miss. My kids are amazing humans and I'm grateful.
Every day as my kids leave for school a piece of my heart goes with them What will the day bring? What new challenge will they face? Will I need to respond to an email from a concerned teacher?
Today I'm thinking of fellow parents out in the trenches with their teens. I'm sending up a flare to alert you and remind myself, we aren't alone on the journey. Let's just be honest and admit there's more to the story, our kids are struggling and now more than ever we need to know we aren't alone.
Gone are the days of playdates and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss them.
Why? Because we can only share the good stuff. Our kids are of age now where anonymity matters. They are on the brink of adulthood and privacy is something they deserve. They determine what is shared and what isn't. Due to this we have to keep close the intimate details of our teen's lives. Its easy to share the good and a whole other story to share the bad. Fact of the matter is, we can't.
We don't have the same support group we had when our kids were little. It was easy back then to share the latest diaper blowout and whether or not they preferred peas over carrots. Heck man, those were the GLORY DAYS! Playdates at the park, gym and splash pads? Oh yeah baby, bring it on. We were a team! We were in church and play groups together. We met up for library story time and swim lessons. We grabbed coffee while we took our kids for walks in their strollers. We shared the minutiae of our days because we understood each other.
Now most of us are back full time in the work force. Our teens are gone more than they're home. Dinners have become making 4 different meals for 4 different people. Grazing at the counter has replaced dinner around the table. Buying shaving cream has replaced buying diaper cream. Pampers have been replaced with boxer briefs for my son and bras for my daughter.
By the way if you think its expensive raising a toddler, just wait. Oh have mercy...
There have been and will continue to be many sleepless nights in which I grieve over some of my kid's choices. I have experienced great anger and loads of tears. Parenting teens is similar to menopause. The highs and lows are exhausting.
Yesterday my son was describing (oh my gosh, he was actually speaking in sentences and not grunting out one word sounds) what it feels like to be him. How he sees the mountain ahead of him and how its so difficult and exhausting to consider climbing on top of it for fear of what's on the other side. There isn't a whole lot to look forward to because there is just another mountain waiting for him. There is a sense of hopelessness about the future which in turn decreases his motivation. His mountain is made up of anxiety for what lies ahead, school, relationships and responsibilities. Its made up of how to pass Chemistry when there are only 8 days left in the trimester. Its made up of exhaustion, stress, procrastination and what he's going to do with his life.
I think he summed up what most teens are experiencing in life right now. Teens have so much going against them in these current days. They are faced with situations that many of us who have gone before have never experienced. Not only are the waters difficult for teens to swim in, the waves have become downright tsunami style for parents.
There are still the old standbys for teens. Trying a joint, drinking some booze and messing around under the guise of 'we're just watching a movie'. But now we have new players on board. Social media, comparisons, body shaming, cyber bullying, first person shooter video games, snap chat, selfies with mass amounts of filters, getting those scholarships and whether or not will there be job when they graduate college. Will they go to college? Will they do an apprenticeship? Will they take a gap year? If they take a gap year how will they support themselves? Wait, they need a car. Will they break up after graduation? Should they live at home while attending whatever it is they're attending? Will they enter the work force immediately?
Dang, its hard. That pressure, right?
I try to keep these things in mind as we navigate through the teen years. As a parent I want to fast forward and get to the other side. Don't get me wrong there is PLENTY I will miss. My kids are amazing humans and I'm grateful.
Every day as my kids leave for school a piece of my heart goes with them What will the day bring? What new challenge will they face? Will I need to respond to an email from a concerned teacher?
Today I'm thinking of fellow parents out in the trenches with their teens. I'm sending up a flare to alert you and remind myself, we aren't alone on the journey. Let's just be honest and admit there's more to the story, our kids are struggling and now more than ever we need to know we aren't alone.
Gone are the days of playdates and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss them.
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